Friday Thoughts
Hey friends!
First up, I LOVED everything you said on the last Friday Thoughts post (seriously, the comment threads are proving to be the real treasure in these posts). I have totally revamped the way I’m doing piano lessons with my kids thanks to so many of your comments, and my kids will never know how fortunate they are to have you in their virtual lives. I’ve also been jean shopping (online, of course) like crazy. 🙂
I only have a couple Friday Thoughts today. I mean, I have lots and lots of thoughts to share, but I’m 100% certain if I really downloaded everything in my brain, you would be very frightened and run far, far away. So we’ll work in small doses.
1) Cookbook Thoughts: Hmmm. Cookbooks. Do you buy them? Do you cook from them? Do you think they are an archaic form of recipe research? Or are you a cookbook lover?
I get asked quite a bit if/when I am going to “do” a cookbook. It’s a really great question, and one that I don’t have a serious answer to right now. My heart says: a cookbook would be fun and amazing. My head says: what the heck are you thinking you barely have time to shower some days and your kids are already going to need therapy for having a food blogger for a mom during their formative years so what time and mental space do you plan on using to for a cookbook? #truth
The more regulated part of me acknowledges I would love the project (especially as I have talked with several publishers over the years) but that it may not be the right phase of life for me, especially because it would come at a cost to my blog (if I didn’t want it to come at a cost to my family – I can’t keep all the balls in the air no matter how hard I want to or try). And this blog, this space, is what I value most. I don’t think I could keep up posting recipes here and developing recipes for a cookbook. Ultimately, a cookbook would only be a possibility, also, if I felt I had something to offer the cookbook world that is unique and practical and hasn’t already been done a million times.
{Here’s my 10-year old, with future donut shop owner aspirations, making homemade donuts from a hardcopy cookbook that we bought after a MKC reader, Liz, sent us the kindle version – in this case, we were very grateful for a real, live cookbook, because the donuts were AMAZING!}
And actually, thanks to this brain dump, I feel like I DO have a cookbook. An online treasure trove of my favorites. It’s called Mel’s Kitchen Cafe Dot Com. Have you heard of it? 🙂 Anyway, you’d didn’t need or want to hear all that, but hey, Friday Thoughts. I tell it as it comes out of my brain.
Personally, right now, I mostly cook from the internet, my faithful recipe binders, the weird food ideas that come to me at night, and my blog. So although I am by no means a cookbook collector, I do have a few tried-and-true cookbooks that I love and turn to frequently enough that I thought I’d share a couple favorites, old and new (affiliate links for some of the cookbooks below).
The Electric Pressure Cooker Cookbook: This is a great Instant Pot/pressure cooker cookbook; I’ve been so pleased! I’ve made the creamy chicken and rice with broccoli, pork tacos, several of the pasta dishes, and the apple cinnamon oats. All super yummy.
America’s Test Kitchen Quick Family Cookbook: I can’t begin to list the recipes I’ve made from here over the years. So, so many. Recently the sheet pan chicken cordon bleu (called Unstuffed Chicken something or other in the book) won our hearts and I posted my version here. The dessert section is kind of a bomb, but the quick dinners are fabulous.
Foster’s Market Favorites: This is my go-to cookbook (along with consulting some of the salads in Chrissy Tiegen’s cookbook) when I want a dish or salad or recipe to really impress for entertaining or company. I love that the recipes appear to be well-tested, photographs are lovely, and most importantly, the dishes I’ve made have been stellar. I recently made the spring harvest salad, and it was so incredibly light and flavorful and tasty, and the tres leches cake recipe is fantastic.
2) Social Media Thoughts: Have you seen the firestorm buzz surrounding the info Collin Kartchner is talking about on Instagram about kids of all ages, what they are doing on social media that we (as parents and adults) may not know, and his activist call to #savethechildren and #bringbacktheflipphone? It has been fascinating, more than a little shocking, and definitely eye opening for me. If you haven’t watched it, go to his Insta stories and watch the one titled #savethekids first.
I have a lot of strong feelings on the matter (haha, shocker, I know). But I want to know from YOU how you manage phones + social media access with your kids (of all ages!). I hope it is already well-established this is a judgment-free zone, so please comment and respond honestly knowing that this is a safe place.
This is how we roll at home: currently, my kids (ages 14, 12, 10, 9, 5) don’t have their own phone(s). They have access to two “kid phones” that took the place of our landline years ago, and with prior permission they can take one with them to school or activities if they need to get a hold of me. Their friends can text them on it, if needed, but the phone and texting always stays in a public place at home. It’s also the phone they use to make phone calls for church, scouts, making plans with friends, etc. But it’s a “dumb phone” – no access to the internet, no camera, no apps.
They watch and record Marco Polo messages on my phone for friends and family (same with FaceTime), and occasionally they’ll want to look up a funny video or something on Facebook or YouTube to show everyone, and they’ll ask to use my phone or Brian’s (sidenote: the two middle schoolers have school-issued laptops for homework/internet research for school).
I definitely think my kids are on the underexposed end of the phone + social media spectrum, and I’m not convinced it is the best thing. There’s a line of moderation somewhere – and I’m guessing it is very individual to each family and kid.
Brian and I feel like we want to prepare our kids to know how to navigate the online world so they aren’t totally naive (or so they don’t sneak around and do it on the down low) without giving them full, unfiltered access at a young age and without allowing them to let a misguided interpretation of social media BECOME their identity. So we are constantly discussing ways (and praying for guidance) to know how to gradually give our teen and tween growing privileges for texting and phone usage within a set of boundaries and guidelines.
One thought I’ve had lately is that just like any behavior, my kids are observing me and Brian day in and day out as they form subconscious parameters about using a phone responsibly (i.e. is there a purpose behind mom or dad picking up their phone – checking a text message or answering a phone call – or are they mindlessly surfing the internet or checking social media for no apparent reason or out of boredom?). I have no doubt they will model the same behavior, for better or for worse.
It’s been a good wake-up call and reminder that I can stand to put my phone down a little more (or lock it in a cupboard for the afternoon and evening) so that my kids see a mom who is engaged and present and industrious instead of a mom who is aimlessly scrolling through Instagram.
I’d love to hear what you think about all of this! Please share!
3) Random Note: I bought these sunglasses from Amazon {aff. link} after I saw all the amazing 5-star reviews, SURE that they would be amazing on my face. Hahahahahaha. Cam’s reaction from the back seat sums up both of our feelings. I learned that a) I’m not young enough, secure enough, trendy enough to wear sunglasses like this and b) I guess I’m still on the search for the perfect pair.
Disclaimer: I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
206 Comments on “Friday Thoughts”
I used to be a compulsive cookbook buyer. And used them. Then when home computers came along I quickly switched to searching and saving recipes on line. On one of my moves I donated almost all of them (2 bookcases full), just keeping a few favourites. Or nostalgic ones. Now it’s strictly on line. So my vote is don’t waste your energy on a book. Unless you need the $ which I would think with your huge success isn’t really an issue.
Hi Mel! Huge fan of your blog! Just prepped dinner using your recipes…French bread rolls and sloppy joes, yum! I read this post last week and haven’t stopped thinking about it every time I open your website. I cannot tell you how much I would love a hard copy cookbook of your website! Nothing new, probably not everything because it would be massive (although in my perfect world it would include everything), just your entire recipe collection in a book. You’ve already done so much, why complicate things by trying to come up with new stuff when I know I love what already exists right here? Anyway, if you ever come up with a way I can pay to buy a book (or print at home) all your recipes organized into the categories on the blog, I WOULD BE SOOOO HAPPY:)
When my son started middle school this year and his teachers started talking how they needed devices, I nearly went through the roof. I was (and am) of the opinion that 11 year olds aren’t old enough to properly manage online lives. We ended up giving him an old smart phone with internet access (they have WiFi at the school). He can only have the phone while he’s at school and he knows that I can go through everything on it. He reciently got permission to iMessage one friend, but he and his friend know I read all the messages. He’s not allowed any social media or messaging apps beyond that. I’m still not sure it’s the best answer, but it’s what we came up with once the teachers forced us into the situation.
Hi Mel, let me know when you find the perfect pair of inexpensive sunglasses that don’t look dorky and are comfortable enough to not give me a headache! I will happily let you do the research and then shamelessly copy you. Thanks in advance!
I like cookbooks but with changing our diets since I first started collecting cookbooks (our daughter has food allergies) I find I’d rather just print individual recipes I like into my own binder and have less books around. Your blog is the best! Thanks for introducing so many great recipes to our family!
Mel, I have not perused your nearly-200 comments here (and, truthfully, I have no idea how you keep up with it all!) to see if others have said the same thing. But this is my thought on cookbooks:
YES!!! I wish you would make a cookbook! But not with new recipes, just with your same old tried-and-true recipes from your blog. Sounds crazy, because I know they are right at my fingertips. But I would totally BUY it, just to have it in hardcopy, with beautiful pictures of all your amazing finished products! And I would buy copies for my mom and sisters-in-law and friends, to introduce them more fully to your amazingness. Just take your “Best Recipes” category, and make it into a cookbook. That way, it wouldn’t take so much of your time and brainpower that you feel like the rest of your life is slipping. You already have all the content you need. I’m telling you, it would sell! The perfect Christmas gift for all my gals. 😉
I agree! I would love that!
Keep the blog!!! No cookbook!!! My idea for a Mel cookbook is to get a three ring binder, print out all the recipies and pop them in. On the topic of cell phone use, my kids are 8 and almost 10 now and I plan to have similar rules that you are using, a non-smart phone for as needed use. All the parenting books I read emphasize the cognitive damage and emotional stresses caused by too much social media and excessive texting, not to mention the dangers of predators and inappropriate relationships fostered in secret. When my kids get their own social media accounts(when they can pay for their own part of the phone bill) I will be on their accounts monitoring the content. Someday they will be out on their own, but until then you can’t be too careful. We currently have a tablet for games they can play with a set time limit per day and a limited amount of YouTube viewing. Thanks for your posts, we are all out here struggling with the same questions you are, trying to make good choices for our families. BTW, my kids were practicing piano the other day playing……Indian Dance!!
My oldest is 13 and he has asked about when he can get a phone. I feel like it is unfair to give kids more access than they are ready for…and I don’t think teenagers are ready for unlimited internet access. So we have talked about it a little, and the plan right now is to let him have a (basic) phone when he starts driving, at 16. We live in a rural area and if he were driving and got lost or had problems I would want him to be able to contact us. But until then he really doesn’t need it…he’s always with someone who has a phone. My husband and I have basic phones ourselves, so he knows he doesn’t NEED a smart phone to get by. We also limit computer use–he has his own login on our computer and he gets 30 minutes a day, and options are limited on his account. Lately that 30 minutes is mostly spent playing Minecraft. And when it’s done, he’s done. Our computer is in our main living area, so no one uses it unsupervised, and it is locked unless someone has permission to use it. He has asked about buying his own laptop, and I told him he can, but the rules will be the same: half an hour per day, in the family living area. Not because I don’t trust him, but because like I said I don’t think it is fair to give kids more freedom than they are mature enough for, and kids/teenagers (in my opinion and as studies have shown) are not there yet maturity-wise, no matter how mature they think they are. As far as social media goes…I know we are getting close to that, but it freaks me out a little to think about my kids having FB accounts, etc. I would much rather they live through their immature years offline, like we did. (Fewer witnesses that way, if you know what I mean.) Totally don’t know how we’ll handle that but I guess we will when we have to.
When I wrote this I had no idea it would come up so soon. My 13-year-old came home from school today with a smartphone. His best friend gave it to him (apparently he has several). He REALLY wanted to keep it, of course. But ultimately we said no, he has to give it back. He was quite unhappy with that. But I’m okay with being a mean mom sometimes if it is for the good of my children, and I truly believe it is this time, so I am standing my ground. Thanks for starting the conversation, it helped me articulate my thoughts and feelings so I was more ready when it came up today.
Hello! This has nothing to do with what you asked above – only because my boys are both under 4 and I can’t even wrap my head around them having phones some day . . . eek.
This week for RS we learned how to use our Insantpots and I gave you a shoutout – told everybody Mel has lots of recipes for us to try out! Because I love you. Wyoming loves you 🙂
This feels a little bizarre but I thought I would add my point of view. I think about this a lot now that I have two littles who are rapidly outgrowing their littleness. A few short years ago I was a teen living in my parents house, “abiding” by the rules they set for media usage. I was a good kid in that I got straight A’s, no boyfriend, no drugs or alcohol, etc. But I loved to sneak our family cell phone to text my crush, or sneak on a family laptop to Facebook message a boy I liked. They were good kids too, so nothing ever went wrong, but looking back now I feel sick to my stomach… it is so dangerous. I hate to think about it. Parents need to set limits, talk to their kids about WHY there are limits constantly, and have a good relationship with their kids so they know it is safe to talk about things. My parents loved me so much, but they also didn’t babysit me all the time as a teenager because they knew I needed to be responsible. That being said, I wish they could have known what I was doing so they could have been aware of it had something gone wrong. I’m so glad technology usage is a hot topic today, and I’m sad for those that it may be too late. Suicide is so devastating. And I believe it has strong ties to our distorted views of ourselves based on virtual reality. Technology is also so GOOD! When we have balance in all parts of our lives, there is no desire to use technology for evil, and the urge to waste time on it is lessened. Like you said, kids learn from watching their parents. Find out what’s right for YOU, and then find out what’s right for your kids. And like another commenter said, keep tweaking it.
So we are a family that has a junior in high school, and she has a smart phone. She also has no expectation of privacy on that cell phone. We’ve had a few issues, but they were used as opportunities to learn and grow, and she did both. Yes, she occasionally pushes the boundaries- but as her parents, we push back. She’s an A student, in running start. She’s a year away from graduation, and she’s learning to navigate the freedoms and consequences of being an adult, while having the safety net of us to help guide her decisions. We give her freedoms, limited at first, and as she uses them responsibly, they are extended. She rode public transit to school from 6th grade, so we wanted her to have a phone in case of emergency (and we both work outside of the home). She’ll be on her own soon, and I want her to know how to handle her own online presence and the dangers it poses, as well as the positive aspects it can provide for her and her friends.
Cookbooks: I have several hundred printed books (one in my purse at the moment) but I also extensively use and collect online recipes as well (plantoeat.com). I use both mediums for planning and cooking recipes. My husband jokes that I never make the same thing twice- so I need a lot of source material!
I can’t comment on smart phones and social media. My kids — who are in their 30s — introduced me to smart phones. Prior to that I had a flip phone which, as others have mentioned, limited ability to receive group texts and photos. I have no social media presence.
I’ve purchased several cookbooks by bloggers and have yet to find one that I can’t live without. In fact, most of them sit on the shelf while I continue to read and search the blogs for recipes.
I do buy cookbooks. I’ll buy anything Ina Garten or Lidia Bastianich writes. I love the food, flavors and culinary history of the Mediterranean, especially the northern and eastern countries. I may not cook anything from them, but I learn so much from chapter and head notes. I’m also interested in memoirs with recipes and vintage cookbooks from the 1940s and 1950s. The recipes tend to be simple, almost never call for hard-to-find ingredients or require me to have or buy new equipment. Although I’ll admit that there are some recipes from that era that are real head-scratchers!
I grew up and started cooking in the 1950s and 1960s when most cookbooks had few, if any, pictures and no nutritional information. With the possible exception of some specialized technique or a dish that is very unusual, I don’t care if a cookbook has pictures or not. I scroll past the pictures on blogs 99% of the time.
My girls are grown so I have no advice on the cell phone or social media thing. My two cents though is that there should be “no electronics of any kind” moments or a period of time, say an hour, when there is reading, playing outside, walking, talking, going to get ice cream without a face in a phone, etc. You get my drift. Oh, and one thing I didn’t allow was phones when we were eating and no TV either. I was a mean mom because I insisted on manners. LOL
As far as cookbooks, bring ’em on, baby! I don’t have much time now (taking care of my aging parents and spending time with my love who lives a distance from me) but that is what I love about cooking blogs! Read them when I have a moment or two and no book to lug around.
xoxo
Thanks for chiming in, Becky! Insisting on manners is not mean – haha! But my kids feel the same way. 🙂
So I will start off by saying both my husband and I are tech people. We control everything in our house from our lights, to our thermostat, to our washing machine from our phones. Our whole house is wired and we have more tech devices in our house than people. We only have one kiddo and he is 8. I am fairly protective of his online presence. I don’t use his name on social. I don’t post his photo or identifying info (school, home, etc). I also don’t think he needs a phone even though other kids in his second grade class have them. To me, this is what needs to be protected- his online life. He will always be exposed to new and untested technology in his life, I feel the best skills I can give him are regarding his online presence and how to navigate making decisions that can help or hurt his online (and in turn his real life) reputation.
He has asked for a phone and my response right now is that if he is not with us he is always with people who can reach us. I mean his school has never denied his request to call home and he definitely doesn’t need apps. Having said that, I know his access will change in Junior High. The plan is to make sure he has a way to reach us, without having unfettered access. There are ways to be balanced. He may have a smart phone, but I will have the passwords and own the phone. My kid is pretty smart and can navigate around any rules that are set- even with laptop use. He has proven that he can be sneaky to get around everything (using a proxy to hit a game site I locked down for example). It’s my job to be smarter than him.
Love your thoughts, Crystal! I think you are spot on about changing the boundaries and allowances as they get older. Your last line is KEY and with kids being SO smart technologically these days, I’m trying to stay one step ahead of the game (we also had issues with the proxy work around)
All I can say is, if/when you do publish a cookbook, I will definitely buy it. Guaranteed. I’m starting to trust you more than ATK.
Haha, thanks, cute Vicky.
Oh my goodness, where do I start? We have recently and forever been talking about the smartphone/screen time dilemma. We keep something for a while and then have to tweak it. Recently, to my two teenage kids’ chagrin, we took back the smartphones they had and gave them flip phones. Not because they had done something horrible, but because it was something that we had been questioning and seeking answers for and as hard as it was, it was the answer we had gotten. It took some debriefing and discussing and a few tears and hugs. I am glad we did it though. In our situation it has brought more family unity. It is difficult to always know the best way! I feel like we are pioneers in this area. We grew up with some internet and cell phones becoming more prevalent, but we are just now beginning to see what kind of effects they can have on individuals and humanity as a whole. Thank you for sharing your way. It is always enlightening to hear another parent’s perspective.
You know, I think you are smart for being flexible! I find we are doing the same thing – setting up rules and boundaries and then tweaking a little while later. Sounds like you are doing a great job! I agree that it’s a lot of back and forth – the pioneer comment is so true. Just gotta keep doing our best, I guess!
I love Cam’s face in the photo! I check your blog when I’m searching for a new recipe to make and I print EVERYTHING and put it in my own binder because I’m afraid I will go searching one day and you may have given up your blog! I don’t buy recipe books ever since I found your blog 🙂 I would buy yours though and I agree with another reader who said this site is already your cookbook.
Thank you, Georgi!
I read your bit about phones and i could totally relate. when my family was trying to decide if we were being old fashioned parents by not letting our children have techie devices we kept going back to see how we survived growing up. That wasnt actually good to do becuase honestly things have changed from 30 years ago when i was a kid. so when my oldest started highschool we bought a phone with a phone plan know the oldest was responsible. but then the problems started. I have 3 children very close in age and the complaining and comparisons started. The next year my second got a used phone but no phone plan as free wifi was available in school. but right away phone was broken and never ending issues with teachers demanding students have devices to check messages from teachers – hand in assignments, group chat duscussion groups for class etc. So a new phone was purchased for 2nd child – again no phone plan. Now 3rd child is in school. we didnt wantt o invest in another phone but to be fair and have a way to reach each child we purchased a phone no phone plan but we have access for all children to communicate with each other and with us. Rules were set about how to contact each other and about sharing information. no one had facebook but kids figured out how to get instagram, twitter etc.
I have to say 2 out of 3 handle their devices and communication responsibly but there is always one bad apple in the bunch so its not perfect. We were also a family that didnt have cable tv but later allowed kids to watch youtube mainly for how-to tutorials but over time kids figured out how to look up whatever they wanted.
I think taking your time to decide if a device is needed is important. once you start you cant turn back – but eventually you will need to give in and more importantly teach the kids to know how to use each device safely.
On that note – my 2nd child has pushed the limits several times and had their device taken a way and by God’s grace it actually got stolen last month which honestly was an answer to prayer. I dont look like the bad parent anymore by enforcing rules! the device is gone and unfortunately my child has to live with it. the slight negative is its a bit harder to contact in an emergency but for now we are ok.
Oh man, the journey is tough! I agree that not all kids are the same and that can make the decision process for parents even harder. Good luck!
I would buy your cookbook! I love your recipes.
Thanks, Jane!
I am LOVING all your comments on this post, you guys! I haven’t had time to respond to each one individually yet, but just know that I am reading them and appreciating your insight and comments so much!
I’m so spoiled by “blog cookbooks” with multiple gorgeous pictures, that if I am flipping through a cookbook and there’s not a picture of every dish, I’m not interested.
Yeah, I totally get that.
I buy tons of cookbooks, have for decades and will probably do so FOREVER. I admit it almost as an obsession I have. I cook from a lot of them, a lot, am constantly reading one or another, or many at the same time.
I don’t have time physically to cook from all of them in my lifetime (if I live to be 120) so yeah, I have a bit of a cookbook hoarding issue.
Something about the possibility of finding a new great idea I guess.
But then again, I very sporadically look for recipes online.
Haha, I LOVE that you are a cookbook hoarder, Paula. Endears you to me even more. 🙂
Mel, it’s just my view, but I think the cookbook would end up being a nightmare for you. There is so much additional pressure from publishing/editor/deadlines that I think would well end up making you think this is no longer fun. EVERYONE has a cookbook now and you’re right — you already have one and it’s called melkitchencafe.com
Appreciate your thoughts, Christine!
Real quick thoughts about a cookbook..My sister told me that I started cooking before I could reach the stove. Then, and now, I’ve mostly cooked without cookbooks (maybe it’s the Italian in me) I have collected many cookbooks but rarely follow any recipes from them ( still flying by the seat of my pants when it comes to cooking).But I love them! I use them mostly for menu ideas and because I just love to look at and eat food Since the internet came upon us with a vengeance, most people I know, included me, go online to find recipes. I’m a huge fan of your blog Mel and I check it out everyday I think cookbooks are becoming more obsolete, although I still love them and use them occasionally. I assume if you decided to “do” a cookbook, you would use most of your blogs recipes which would make the process a lot easier and painless. But if you’re thinking of compiling all new and tested recipes, I’m not sure it would be worth the time away from your family AND us for something that is becoming, like you suggested, more archaic. Good luck Mel !
I love your cookbook thoughts, Linda! Thank you!
We are on our third high schooler navigating his way through high school with out social media or a smart phone and doing just fine! Our two previous kids to him thank us for our policy, and so we are planning to continue that with our three after this one. Flip phones do the job, and when they don’t, our kids have access to our phones and the family computer. Social media is great, but we haven’t missed it.
There’s where we happily stand! Hoping our six kids’ experience can help others who might want to move in this direction. Everyone to his own though- we are all doing our best after all!
Thanks for your thoughts, Sarah! So helpful! Love your last statement – all of us out here trying to do our best!
About cookbooks. I’m more prone to look recipes up online. But I do feel like cookbooks are useful. When I print a recipe off from your website I usually just print the recipe and instructions. But no pictures. I love when cookbooks have loads of helpful pictures for trickier recipes. And it’s nice when the kids help to have an actual book to look at.
Thanks for the feedback, Melissa!
The picture made me think I was finally going to get the answer to my burning question- why does Mel have 4 cows?! Do you use their milk? I swear you’ve talked about getting milk at Costco. Do you have cows for fun? Is one required to have a family farm in Idaho? Inquiring minds want to know!
I usually cook from my binder of printed out recipes, but I have a few cookbooks. I would buy a Mel book in a heart beat!
Haha, my cows! Well, right now we only have two (i need to update my sidebar). They are two holstein heifers and Brian and the boys want to breed them. Yikes! Usually we have anywhere from 2-4 angus cows that we raise for meat (the kids take care of them – hay in the winter and water – and then they put the proceeds from selling the meat into savings). As far as I know, it isn’t required to have a cow to live in Idaho, but it does make it a little more fun. 🙂
I actually like the sunglasses on u! U look super cute in them. It’s so awesome that u stArted your Friday thoughts section w “Hey, Friends,” because we all think of u as our dear friend. Thank u so very much for taking the time to share & engage on your beloved website, esp during these years that u r in the trenches w your 5 darling children. They r, in fact, quite lucky to have a Mom who is as INDUSTRIOUS & CARING as u. Plus, I think yummy food brings an immeasurable amt of happiness to a home! Thx, Mel, for spreading the joy!
Thanks so much, Lauren!
Regarding phones: I’ve let my kids buy their own iPod when they earned enough money to buy one. Apple has a good family sharing plan. Also, you can take the internet off the apple phones and iPods and iPads…or restrict it to websites you don’t mind them to go on. My two older kids bought their iPods when they were in 5th grade. They were both issued laptops at school about this time-which I’ve hated but I’ve grown into them. My oldest is now a freshman this year and we gave him my old phone and I upgraded to a new phone. He needed it to be able to call me since you can’t get free WiFi everywhere…and with an iPod, that’s all you are running on:) I think it’s a great idea to have two old phone that can be used for practical purposes. We have two iPhone 3’s that the littlest kids use to watch Netflix or other games on, but we can’t use them for anything else. Little by little, we’ve let the kids have the internet, but again, it comes with age and certain children and with lots of communication
I like that they’ve bought those iPods with their own money! That definitely creates more ownership (hopefully in a good way??).
It is so good to read patents rules and realize they are a lot like mine! Itvstarts to feel like you are the only one with major phone/social media restrictions for your kids. Right now my 3 older kids (15, 13, 11) share an iPhone 4. It stays at home most of the time. We have restrictions enabled so there is no internet on it. So it is mostly for talk and text and we realized the group text feature is really important with friends/planning get together/church groups, etc. I literally just had a talk with my 15 year old 2 hours ago about how she won’t have a social media account until she is 18 and chooses that on her own. I can’t, in good conscience, allow my teenager who is at the most insecure stage of life to try to develop their personality and character in some fake space online. We talked about friends of hers and what they are posting and what that is doing to them developmentally and in the end she told me she could see what I was saying. Add on top of that the increased suicide rates among teens with social media accounts and for me it is a no brainer. Phone to communicate with friends while parents teach boundaries…yes. Social media accounts during your most emotionally fraught years…no way. But I think it is really important to talk to your kids ina respectful and understanding way about why you are implementing such rules. When my kids hear the facts they are grateful to not be faved with a lot of those pressures and worries…even though they still have times they’d like to have one.
You are a good momma for being open with your kiddos and talking about the whys and why-nots, Dix.
Thank you for your comment, I have a 13-year-old and I have been wondering about when/how to let him do social media. I love the idea of having him/his siblings wait until they are 18 before they start that stuff. It’s awful enough navigating those teenage years, you REALLY don’t need the whole world to know when you do something dumb! And it’s a great idea to sit down and talk with them about WHY so they understand. Thank you, thank you!
I love cookbooks and I would definitely buy your cookbook if you ever write one! 😉 I do use the Internet for a lot of my meal planning, but I use cookbooks all the time, too. I just like cookbooks better. I can’t say why. Maybe I trust them more? But I definitely trust all your recipes, so I guess it shouldn’t make a difference! Cookbooks aren’t completely utilitarian to me, though; I enjoy just reading them. So, that’s part of it. My opinion is, write a cookbook if you want to and I’ll pre-order the heck out of it, but if you don’t want to, I’ll continue to enjoy and appreciate your site!
I love that you love cookbooks, Emily! I actually quite enjoy the reading process of going through a cookbook, too, so I get where you are coming from!
I used to love cookbooks. But now they’re something that generally I check out of the library but don’t buy. I have binders of favorite recipes I still need to sort through and add to my Paprika app, but other than a few oft-used cookbooks, the rest are sitting on the shelf collecting dust. Plus, with the internet – we just don’t need cookbooks these days like we used to.
I’ve heard a lot about the Paprika app – sounds cool! I kind of agree, just don’t know that there is the same need for cookbooks like there used to be.
RE: Phones.
Although I’m probably not your usual demographic, I don’t have a smart-phone. I have an old-style flip phone. No apps. No GPS. I don’t even text. My wife has a low-end smartphone, but there are no games, and her app usage is pretty much limited to texts.
For my kids, the oldest is eight, and he doesn’t need a phone yet. Although lots of kids have tablets, we only have them for home use. When he needs a phone, it will be a flip-phone. I will fight tooth-and-nail against them having social media accounts, because I find them to be nothing but a huge time-sink.
Again, I’m usual, and I recognize that. But I’m very aware of the privacy implications of social-media and free apps, and intend to do my best to limit the amount of exposure our family has.
Love your thoughts, Doug, and appreciate you taking the time to chime in! Thank you!
Thanks for your blog and opening the conversation about phones/social media. Now that my youngest is 18, I have some experience with this dilemma. We allow our children to have a phone – lots of parent controls and find my friend -when they have a driver’s license (which they can get after the age of 16). They don’t have their own social media accounts – but Mom does – so they can check out their friends and school sites on Mom’s phone which means … in the supervised kitchen. We also have “Homework” time when ALL phones are recharging on the kitchen counter. After 9 pm, kids phones are in Mom and Dad’s room. We made this “requirement” when we caught a son texting his friends after we all had gone to bed…. My older children now thank me!
Love these boundaries, Sherry! Thanks so much for sharing…I think I’ll definitely be implementing some of the same.
I own a couple cook books and use them some, but what I use the most is my own binder of recipes which I have printed off from various blogs or family recipes. I’m sure many people would buy your cookbook and it would be a fun experience, but that it might not be worth it at this point in your life. I think the time you spend on the blog is more beneficial and I love what you said about not taking more time away from your family.
I don’t have kids old enough for phones and social media yet and I’m not looking forward to that aspect of that stage! I really like what you said about it though- and it makes me think more about how my kids are observing my phone use.
Thanks for all you do!
Thanks, Stephanie!
Love your Friday posts! Cute little cow, I would love to hear more about her! I own a lot of church cookbooks and TOH cookbooks, but I find myself reading them for fun rather than using them. I have a hard time cooking anything without a review these days. If anything, they make me a smarter cook though. And I agree with you, your blog IS a cookbook to me! As far as technology goes, we are behind the times by financial choice. I am not opposed to it, we just don’t prioritize it in our lives right now. We save money by only having a flip phone for each parent, and we don’t subscribe to any TV. We do get some free channels with an antennae, and we do have a laptop with computer access. Our 7-year-old daughter LOVES to go on artforkidshub on YouTube to draw, as well as some educational sites from school. I am fine with that. Our computer is at a built-in desk right in the kitchen, where I can see what is going on. However, I know as our kids get older (they are 0,2,5, and 7 now), we will need to start keeping up with the Jones’ a little bit more so that they are not completely sheltered. There needs to be balance, I agree. For now, I love that we are saving lots of money that we will need as they get older!
Haha. My cows! They drive me nuts, but they are pretty cute. They are two holstein heifers living the good life on our back pasture right now. We raise them for meat (usually) but Brian and the boys have decided to breed these two cows (pray for me). Thank you for all your thoughts! My kids LOVE the art hub youtube site as well. It’s pretty awesome. Balance, balance!
Mel thank you for sharing your perimeters on phone/ internet usage. My seven grand treasures ages 19-6, yes one mommy one daddy, only have access to the internet in the common room in their home. I am so thankful for my daughter and son-in-loves protection over their family. Oh did I mention no TV in their home? A program may seem alright to watch and then come the commercials. So if they desire to see a program they go on Hulu and watch it with a parent present. Are their parents too strict? Let me just say I wish all parents were more concerned about values and less concerned about what other parents allow their treasures to watch and hear. Blessings
Thank you, Pam!
We’ve gone kind of middle of the road on this one…my 14 year old has an iPhone so that she can text groups of friends, use the imessage feature, use the camera, FaceTime, and access Spotify for music, which is very important to her. But I don’t like her having access to downloading apps, using the internet, or social media on her phone. I figure she can use her school computer or the home computer for any internet needs, so we use the built-in parental controls on the iphone. We have a restrictions passcode that she does not know. We have it set to hide the internet from her phone and it does not allow the downloading of any apps. If an app seems like something we deem helpful or appropriate, we can always input the passcode to allow it. It’s annoying because we’re paying for full smartphone usage that isn’t being fully used, but wonderful because it gives her some freedom and access to friends without complete access to everything. It also keeps her from spending every spare second on her phone, as there is only so much to do on a phone without internet and social media.
We search online for ways to break the parental passcode that my kids could use and so far haven’t found anything, but if any other readers have found ways this parental control can be bipassed, I’d definitely love to know! So far, this has worked for us.
I like the middle of the road approach, Jamie! Thanks for sharing!
Thought-provoking post. First on the cookbook, I rarely use cookbooks anymore because I actually like reading recipes online and then scrolling through comments to see if others have adapted or what their reviews of the recipe are. With that said, if you someday create a cookbook I’ll be the first to buy. I bought your E-book a few years back, and I am happy to (financially) support your efforts to publish awesome recipes, in the same way I try to use your affiliate links when there is a product you’ve shared that I’d like. I truly appreciate the work you put into your blog, and I hope you feel that from everyone who uses your site.
For phones, after reading comments, I guess I’m on the older end of “kid life” with a 21, 18, and 16 year old. My husband and I, too, are very tech-careful. My girls each received flip phones when they turned 13 so we could text and keep in touch as they were at school, babysitting, etc., and their friends could text them as well. My oldest (deprived, “tester-child”) 😉 got an iPhone as a high school graduation gift, and we had 3 months to model/teach appropriate smartphone usage before she went to college. With our 2nd, we decided a 17th birthday was a better time frame so she could have it her senior year and we’d have more time. Really, one of the issues we’ve encountered that was a motivating factor was that for our girls, their church young women class leaders were frequently sending group texts letting the kids know about activities or details and often flip phones cannot receive group messages. So they were missing out on a lot. The same thing occurred with their friends; they ended up being left out of activities because they weren’t on the group text thread. (As a youth leader myself, I group message some of our youth, and then send individually copied messages to the few kids who don’t have a smartphone and can’t receive group messages. It’s not that hard, but not everyone is mindful to do that, so my kids were missing out.)
My 16 year old had a funny thing happen a few months ago. Her flip phone broke, and because we have a family phone insurance policy with our cellphone carrier, I called them for a replacement. They knew her phone was a flip phone, and said they would ship out something “equivalent”. The day the box arrived in the mail, my daughter opened it and was ecstatic to find a brand-new Android smartphone as her free flip phone replacement. 😉
We have used SafeTeen for filtering on our phones and tablets. Another thing we’ve done when our kids received smartphones was to share “appropriate usage rules” that if violated would result in the loss of the phone for a time. (No phone at dinner, no phone out when you are having a conversation with someone and should be engaging in eye contact, no speaking negatively on anyone on social media, limited social media time, etc.)
Thanks for buying that ebook, Alicia! And just for your support. I appreciate it! And I appreciate your thoughts on smart phones. The group text issue has come up several times as an issue for kids getting communication from teachers/leaders. That’s hilarious about the replacement phone being a smartphone! Thanks for your thoughts!
I would buy your cookbook in a minute, but I would probably still use your blog as my go to recipe source. I haven’t bought a cookbook in years, thanks to food blogs. As for phones, I think you’re doing it right. For safety, my kids got phones when they began driving.
Thanks, Teresa!
I have a few favorite cookbooks – one is “The Best Recipe” by the editor’s of Cook’s Illustrated. I love the explanations of all the things they tried to come up with “the best recipe,” and we have some favorites from there (like most of my muffins are a variation of their basic recipe). Recipes I use a lot I sometimes print and put in a binder because I prefer cooking from print (I need to print more), but I most often cook off my iPad, and your site is my number one source for recipes. Lots of your recipes are in my binder. But if you made a cookbook, I’d buy it.
As for phones, we’ve had lots of general talks but haven’t established too many hard and fast rules because only my 14 year old has one, and she doesn’t use it a lot (I have to remind her to take it places, and it stays downstairs at night). We do limit screen time on any device (computer, tv, tablet, phone), and have talked about dangers of social media. The one with the phone does not have any social media accounts (has never asked to have one). She did discover Pinterest for a while (and told us every funny Harry Potter/Narnia quote she found). I think we are just lucky because she is pretty nerdy with a nerdy bunch of friends, so her friends aren’t on the phone a lot either.
Thanks, Laura! I love that Best Recipe book, too. It’s kind of like my cooking/baking bible and I work out of it a lot. And seriously, nerds forever. I pray my kids will be nerdy. 🙂
Mel, I just want to say bravo to you for weighing your family’s needs against the seduction of another success. I have no doubt that you could do an amazing cookbook and I would love it, but I really admire that you are centered on your family.
Thank you so much, Jan.
I have appreciated what everyone has said here. Thank you, Mel, for opening up the conversation!
I agree, Jileen – it’s really great to read what others have to say.
Check out @annaistheworst on instagram. She has a whole guide for kids and social media. I have two teens and a preteen (and two litties) and I agree with her (almost) 100%. I don’t believe being extreme and ditching it all is helpful nor is giving them untethered access. Anyway, she’s much more wise than I am
Thanks for the recommendation, Natalie!
I would absolutely buy your cookbook! I use to have a huge love of cookbooks and still pull them out for my tried and true recipes- so all of yours! Therefore I’d buy yours for that reason. Also to give my tech locked down kids more access to your recipes. It would probably also make it in to my go to wedding shower gift stash!
Thanks, Elle!
Hello. I am an email subscriber and get both your daily recipes and newsletter. For some reason I’m not getting your Friday thoughts as a separate email. I only sometimes see the link from the newsletter. Do I need to sign up for it separately? Or does it not come as a separate email post? Thanks for the help and I love your recipes!!!
Hey Miranda, it’s not you, it’s me. 🙂 I sometimes don’t send the Friday Thoughts out as a separate email because it goes out the same day as the newsletter. I’ll try to be better at sending it out separately, but I’ll always include it in the weekly newsletter if not. Sorry for the hassle!
I think a flip phone is all kids need? They are already spending most of their day in school with their friends and other sports/activities. There’s only so much we can do for our kids, what really matters is what some commenters have said about open communication, trust, some rules, to give them a good example of how we use social media and to pray for them. Just like with everything else.
Cookbook. I don’t use cookbooks, I use your blog or search online. Thanks for your hardwork on keeping your blog with delicious recipes and good extra content. You are amazing!
I think you summed it up perfectly – open communication and trust with some boundaries! Thanks, Jocy!
While I would definitely buy a cookbook by you, I would probably look through it once to enjoy the yummy pictures and then go straight to your blog the next time I wanted a recipe! It’s just easier for me to read recipes off a vertical laptop screen than from a horizontal cookbook that wouldn’t fit on my counter.
I totally get that, Debbie!
Wear the sunglasses! They are styling without being over the top plus functional with UV protection. (I’m an optician, I work with glasses all day long).
Thanks! 🙂
I think with the phone/social media thing, it’s really important to find a balance rather then restrictions. I don’t have many rules about YouTube like some have commented, my kids love using it for diy projects and I love watching them learn and be crafty. The rule in our house is it can be used for doing something (shake breaks, diy videos etc.) But no watching shows where people are living their life( grown ups playing with kids toys and unwrapping kindersurprises etc) I want to see them play. These rules made sense and my kids lost any interest in these types of things. My oldest daughter who is 13 recognized how social media makes her feel (the comparison game) and is relieved to stay off of stuff like that. It really is all about open communication and kids seeing their parents have healthy boundaries, and spending time with them so it’s not #1 in their life. It can become just like any other activity out there. It’s definitely a real struggle tho, and I can see that it is harder for my 5 year old who I feel like has has more exposure to it then my 13 year old.
I hear you, Melissa. YouTube has been great in our house for searching for DIY drawing tutorials on ArtHub and such, but it gets the no-go for aimless “sitcom” or “reality” watching. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
My that was a good Friday thought!
My cookbook is a bright yellow 3 ring binder with pocket dividers. I print out recipes from my favorite foodies, and they go in the pockets. Once we try and approve a recipe it gets a first class upgrade to a sheet protector.
It’s my go to dinner Bible! I have other cookbooks but they are usually collecting dust.
Haha, love that the upgrade is to a sheet protector! Makes total sense!
My 17-year-old and I have a 51 day streak on Snapchat. It’s a fun way to connect with her. Don’t worry, lots of other connections going on. I’m probably the most lenient parent in this thread, though. My daughters are quite open about what they do with social media. And I know they have it. I would not assume that because I don’t “let” my kids have an account that they don’t have one. Kids can create an account in any number of ways. I don’t advocate my way of doing it, I wish I were a stricter parent, but it hasn’t worked out that way. Mostly I guess I just feel that even though my high schoolers get smartphones, they’ve so far been fairly successful in their academic, extracurricular, social and family lives. They do so much communication on their phones. My second daughter writes all her papers on her phone, my first has managed much of her communication regarding college apps with her phone. I combat any isolation by making sure home is a pleasant place to be. I invite them into my sphere, we turn up the show tunes (using our smartphones) and have a great time. Everyone can what they think is best, but I thought I’d put my two cents in for not being too afraid.
Thank you, Katie! I love hearing from ALL sides of this issue, and I think you are doing a great job with your girls. Lucky to have an open-minded, open-hearted mom. I love it.
Ohhhhh cookbooks…I have over 50 but maybe use them once a month. ♀️ I understand your dilemma about publishing one! To me, I get frustrated when bloggers produce cookbooks of their previously posted content. I don’t mind a few recipes! But when the majority of the book contains recipes he/she has already shared I don’t purchase it. I like unique content in my cookbooks! But maybe that makes me some kind of weird cookbook diva?
Truthfully I’ve stopped buying cookbooks altogether unless I check them out from the library first and find at least 10+ recipes we like. Other than that, I stick to blogs! It’s just so much easier to find what I’m looking for sometimes. Also, selfishly, I think I’d be sad if your regular posting slowed down! Okay, I would probably panic. Your recipes are just too good!
All in all I say do what’s best for you and your family. We’re not going anywhere! Take your time and if you get a cookbook idea you love, follow your heart.
In terms of social media, I don’t have much to offer as a parent. My sweet boy is just over a year and we’re expecting another in September () so we’re not in the same boat. BUT I’ve worked at a university for the past 6 years and I can say after working with my students, it’s all about open communication as a family. I think honesty with your children is HUGE and shows an element of trust. Make decisions that work for you, your family dynamics, and your children’s hearts. I love that you’ve committed to prayer because I think that’s the best thing you can do. ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for your cookbook thoughts, Kayla! You and many others have said checking them out from the library is the way to go!
I already commented at length upstream…perhaps one of the few voices thinking that kids should start using technology and have more access than less. I think responsible use and open conversation is key, but highly controlling behaviors can backfire. Anyway. The other point I remembered is that smartphones, tablets, and laptops are becoming critical for schools. Many districts struggle to get funding to keep up adequately with tech. Our district is one of many that are initiating BYOD policies—Bring Your Own Device—to aid in classroom research. Teachers post homework assignments online, kids write and edit in Google docs, check their grades online, get updates, reminders, notes, etc from teachers through group texts. Kids plan study sessions (as well as any social gatherings) through text. Flip phones may get individual texts, but usually can’t do group texts. Just the lack of that one feature can mean social and even academic isolation for a child. It’s not about having the “cool” phone, it’s about having access to the platform that the rest of the community is using to communicate.
Hey Jolie! Thanks for your feedback (both comments!). I really do value it and it gives me a lot to think about. I agree that approaching smart phone and social media usage with kids from a place of fear can be damaging, and I like how you bring up having a lot of dialogue and open communication. That’s key, I think! I’ve explained to my kids a lot about why we have the rules we do, especially when they push back and ask for more. But your comments have been helpful for me to see this from a lot of different sides. Thank you!
Cookbooks … funny having bought that one and then sent to you also I am going to say no to a cookbook from you 🙂
I mostly cook and bake from blogs, internet magazines and articles.
I’d prefer the option of buying recipes to buying cookbooks, i.e. I wish the cookbook authors would make all recipes available online and a pay by the recipe option vs a book. I’ve bought several bread books for technique and sometimes for just one recipe I saw. When I do buy one, I buy Kindle and then move anything I make more than once to OneNote which is what I use vs a binder and easy to make notes, calculate reductions, etc. I save blog recipes there also along with the link to the source.
I can’t speak to the phone issue for kids as I have no children. BUT, I’ve been frustrated in trying to convince my folks (I’m 62, my mom is 82) to get a smart phone or at the very least become proficient at texting. My folks snow ski and go into semi-wilderness areas for hiking as well as gathering firewood. Texts will go through when a phone call might not and my concern is for their safety. And along those lines, I myself would not like to be without a phone to text and view internet information … for my own safety. I think that is a consideration for children as well but as noted, I don’t have them and do not have to worry about other issues.
Oooh, I love that idea of paying for recipes, Liz. Someone should capitalize on that. Such a great idea! Interesting to get the reverse feedback on smart phones. I agree that if I were you, I’d want to encourage my parents to learn better communication in this day and age! Very valid.
I just want to say that I appreciate that you stick to your blog. It’s searchable, pin-able, and doesn’t take up valuable real estate in my house. I use the internet much more than I use my cookbooks and I’m thankful you put your good stuff on your blog and not in a cook book. Thank you for this wonderful blog!
Thanks for the feedback, Alissa!
Also, I can’t wait for the day, year, decade, whatever it is that you do a cookbook. Because where do I get recipes? Oh, just from you.
Haha, thank you. 🙂
Keep the sunglasses, embrace your coolness!
I have lots of phone/social media thoughts. I will premise this tiraid, I am a high school teacher and have been for going on 12 years. My oldest child is 5 so that puts me in a different position than many.
Kids who do not have smart phones are better communicators, they can look me in the eye and ask me questions instead of sitting in my classroom for 90 minutes and then sending me an email with no salutation or punctuation from their next class asking me about their grade.
Nothing Colin has posted is a surprise here. I have seen and know exactly what he is talking about. What bothers me about his movement is that his is the first voice that many parents are actually listening to. When I tell a parent that their kid could benefit from less phone time I am a bully, when I take a kids phone during class I am confiscating private property, when I float the possibility of inappropriate online behavior I am a pervert (all actual accusations).
Kids crave boundaries and consistency but so often the parents of teenagers are unwilling to face the reality of what their kids see and hear 5 days a week. Parents protest their kids reading books like “1984” but are unwilling to discuss appropriate online, educational, or sexual behavior.
Parenting is a dang hard job and like you said, every kid and family dynamic is different but for every single kid, if they don’t hear it from their parents they will hear it somewhere else. If they do not know how to respond in a hard or inappropriate situation they will likely do what is easy or inappropriate. Girls are especially prone to the unhealthy social media identity and it is heart-breaking to watch kids not to be true to who or what they are.
Regulated behavior is the way to go. Real meaningful relationships create good human beings.
I love what you said about parents using phones responsibly, I know that can make a big difference, too.
Thanks, Mel. Always keeping it real. Love ya!
Wow- loved your comment. I have other friends in education who say the same thing. The downfall of today’s kids is not (all) because of the kids- its the PARENTS. Parents who refuse to be the bad guy, or who want their kid to be cool or popular or who want to be viewed as the cool parent too. A friend recently told me to never forget, no matter how old your teen gets, that as long as they’re under 18, you’re in charge! You’re not the bff or the agent or the cruise director. It doesn’t mean you can’t give your kids privileges and nice things and technology, but you have to maintain your role as the one who has the final say. That’s what parents are for 🙂
Good luck to us all!
Angela, Angela! Thank you for taking the time to comment. Hearing it straight from a high school teacher is what we all need to hear! I agree that what collin kartchner is saying isn’t anything new – and it makes me sad that you (and countless other teachers/leaders/adults) have run into the same pushback from parents as you try to make recommendations that will help this generation of youth. Makes me realize I will be more open minded to teacher feedback in similar situations and continue fighting the fight to regulate and create boundaries (especially open communication) with my kids about this. THANK YOU!
Oy vey! ~ I Thought I was THE ONLY ONE to think, think, think – Ha! Doing nothing wrong – love your posts and pics – keep ’em coming
🙂
Mel – I love cookbooks but find that now they sit on the shelf. I get most of my ideas and recipes from food blogs with yours being at the top of my favorites. You’re my “go-to” for a successful and delicious recipe. I hope you don’t change your blog in favor of a cookbook! What you do is amazing!!! I print out the recipes and put them in folders if they’re a hit. Many of yours are in my “5 star recipes” collection.
Thank you for all you do and I hope you keep doing it!
Thanks, Beth! Don’t worry, I don’t plan on changing a thing! 🙂
My philosophy on phones is very similar to yours. I truly see no need for any teen to have a smart phone. All it does it put a world into their hands that they are not mature enough to navigate. We have a “does nothing” phone like you do, which we use as our home phone and my 14 yr old daughter takes with her babysitting and other times when she needs to contact us.
Neither my almost 15 year old or my 12 year old have any social media accounts. I have seen first hand with both my sibling’s children and my friends’ kids how crazy it can be to let kids have these accounts when they are too young – not only does it open up a whole other can of worms socially, but I think they cause these kids to focus too much on themselves and what other people think of them – something kids already struggle with at this age.
I think I will let my daughter get Facebook when she turns 16, so that I can help her navigate things for a couple years before she goes to college, but there is no need right now.
Part of the reason I feel as strongly as I do about all this, is guarding against technology addiction. Both of my two older children have school issued laptops, and we have had major issues because of them. My daughter started spending all her time researching Pokémon and playing games on her computer, instead of homework or listening in class. It truly because an addiction, and she (and the other kids at school) is very talented at hiding what she is doing. Because of this, we had to implement some very strict rules for her for computer usage at school ( with cooperation from her teachers). And so, truthfully, the last thing I want to do is put a computer in her hand, and then have her, because of social media, have even more desire to be online.
I have read how using technology can reside children’s brains, and has been shown to be similar to heroine in how addictive it can be. And that scares me. I have seen it with my own kids. I know that they need to learn how to navigate this whole thing, and learn to be responsible about it, but I think that as a junior in high school, my kids will be much better equipped to deal with things. (I’m still not going to get them smart phones though . They can get one of those when they can buy it themselves.)
Oh my goodness, Lisa, I loved everything you said. I, too, think we’ll let our teenagers get social media accounts at some point in their late teen years so we can watch them and help them work through the ins and outs of that (logistically and emotionally/mentally) before they are on their own, but we’ve also had issues with the school-provided laptops for my middle schoolers this year, and it has been eye-opening to say the least. It’s real and frightening to see the technology addiction happen first hand. Thanks so much for your thoughts.
I haven’t read all of the comments, but social media scares the poop out of me for teenagers and my children when they are older! I never thought about what we would do for a landline-less household as they got older, but I like the ide of having a couple dummy phones available.
As for cookbooks, I love hard cover ones – I will often borrow them from the library and if I like what I see (and the recipes I try turn out), i’ll buy the book. Otherwise I have two recipes binders that are my true go-to’s. Funny enough, a lot of the most worn pages in the binders are YOUR recipes. Thank you!
Thanks for chiming in, Kristin!
Hi Mel,
There is an internet monitoring site called Covenant Eyes. It is great for families with internet access and can protect kids (and adults!) from all the crazy stuff out there on the internet.
In our house we do the same thing you do, and I feel very confident in our decision even though it is definitely not the norm. I actually traded in my own smart phone for a dumb phone and it was so wonderful. I know it might not feasible for you since you are a blogger but taking that break from the constant checking of the phone was theraputic.
I would recommend a book called “Deep Work” by Cal Newport. It talks about the neurological, psychological, and philosophical effects of the smart phone/internet era (that sounds super smart and sophisticated but it’s actually a really interesting read)
Thanks for the recommendations, Ashley!
I love your Friday thoughts because I have kids the same ages and I have similar thoughts.
So cookbooks – I completely agree on all your feelings about publishing your own cookbook. I personally have a few cookbooks with recipes we love but most often I cook from online recipes or ones I’ve printed and put in a binder. Many of yours! What about just printing all your favorite recipes or most popular from your blog into a cookbook?
Phones – I’m in the same boat as you! My oldest is almost 14 and thinks it’s a great injustice that he doesn’t have a phone or iPod. Like “Hello Mom! It’s 2018!” He feels so different from most of the kids at school. But I don’t think he’s at a disadvantage. I actually think he’s really learning life skills instead of wasting time and learning a distorted reality. He does get screen time on our computer and iPad but only when everyone is around. I recently talked with a former mission president about phones and he said that they need to know how to follow rules and guidelines concerning use. Missionaries have smart phones but they have specific rules and uses for it. So I don’t think they’re bad but I think filters and guidelines and rules limiting how much time they use it etc is needed. My sons friends seem to be online SO much! And it drives me bonkers.
I have noticed how much good there is put out there by the church for the youth. I guess I’m just not ready for my boy to get into social media yet!
I’ve thought about compiling a “best of” Mel’s Kitchen Cafe book of sorts but haven’t thought through all the details fully. 🙂 It drives me bonkers when my kids’ friends jump in our car for carpool rides and immediately hop on their phones, too! So I totally understand that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts
First, no on the sunglasses. Honestly, NO ONE should wear those.
Second, hold off on the phones, especially for boys unless you have VERY open and comfortable communication about sex and porn. While I think children should be world wise and live in the world and not be afraid of it, they also need a safe place to find out how to navigate without shame. Finally, there is finally research about modeling phone use and you are spot on. We are teaching our children with our actions more than anything else. And, absent presence is not working. Our kids know the difference and will quit paying attention to us in the same way.
You are an amazing example of a real human, living what you profess and entreating others to find their good. Love you Mel❤️
You know we could talk about this for hours, Jen. Love what you have to say (even about the sunglasses – haha).
It is hard being the guinea pig parents to this new social media generation. Ugh, I feel like it’s just a constant struggle and I’ve been thinking/pondering on it a lot lately. I have a 15, 13, and 5 year old. I just watched this video the other day I found helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wRrURLrzm0
I wish I had more answers – it is so disconcerting.
Thanks for the video link!
Thanks for sharing, Melissa!
Hi Mel! I love this conversation about phones and media since it is a growing concern of mine for my 5 children. My oldest is 13 and he has a flip phone. We gave it to him for Christmas about a year ago and he was thrilled. I think at that point he was the only kid his age who didn’t have a phone-let alone a smart phone. I don”t know if he”ll ever have a smart phone. One resource I have found very helpful is the cyber safety cop http://www.cybersafetycop.com/Home. I have been able to see his presentation a couple of times at our local schools and they are excellent. His website has some very useful information as well like cell phone contracts for your kids to sign as well as updates about which apps to avoid; and a book which tells you how to turn on parental controls for just about any device.
Thanks for sharing that resource, Jessica!
On #3, GO FOR IT! The sunglasses are awesome. I don’t mean to sound trite, but life really is short (take it from a short-timer). Wear the sunglasses and smile! Have fun with life on your own terms – a lesson I learned from my dad who never missed a joke nor met a stranger.
🙂
I’m so glad you are having this “conversation” about electronics, social media and kids. We share similar views, doubts flounderings, and hope. I’m looking forward to reading other responses and to take notes as we start to navigate these waters.
This comment thread is filled with lots of great feedback!
Our kids have to earn their smart phones, because they are tools not toys. They don’t earn them monetarily because, honestly, I want to own their first phone, but they earn them as they reach levels of responsibilty. After they get to a very responsible level, we give them a Facebook account that we monitor and coach them thru. If they can still maintain a high level of responsibilty and use Facebook responsibly, we give them their first smart phones. So far the youngest one to get their phone was 16 1/2. We still monitor the use of their phones so that we can coach them thru it.
Tools not toys – LOVE that, Amanda!
Those glasses aren’t as bad as the ones I just bought On Amazon! I can’t pull it off either. I only own a few cookbooks but I would buy yours because you are my favorite. I’ve been tightening up phone restrictions at my house. No phones/ipods in kids bedrooms. And I rarely let them play games. It just makes them ornery. My 14 year old has had IG for a few years but it has caused drama and it’s just not worth it at that age.
Haha, now I want to see a picture of you and your sunglasses. 🙂
On cookbooks, I have loved to cook all of my life. Honestly, I felt like my kitchen is about the only place that I actually have control over the outcome of something. As everyone probably knows, when you love to cook, and everyone knows it, every birthday and Christmas you inevitably are given cookbooks as gifts. And, while I have seen more birthdays than I wish to think about, I have been gifted with a nice library of cookbooks that I love. They’re like old friends that always feel welcoming when you pay them a return visit. They’re quite a nice stroll down memory lane as I remember friends and family from whom they came as well as the dishes we’ve shared from them. I cherish every splatter and stain that adorns their pages that tell of good food, good times and love.
I love that imagery of your cookbooks being old friends – so sweet, Barbi.
I’m not a parent (only 21), but have a sort of reverse perspective on this, as smart phones and social media became really popular as I was becoming a teenager. My parents gave me a phone when I was 13, and a smart phone when I was about 16. My use was unrestricted and they never checked my messages, etc. I can honestly say I (almost always) used it appropriately. I know this is really child-dependent, but for me this was more about trust than fear. I had many friends in high school with parents who would unpredictably check phones or not allow for social media- while I can see the reasoning behind this, I can also say that it is not difficult for your child to delete whatever it is they might be hiding quickly, and most of my friends whose parents had these policies were just better at being sneaky than everyone else. Another important factor here is I had a very open relationship with my parents- we had an open dialogue about my life and social media was part of it. I think this is why I always used my phone appropriately (but I know this doesn’t work for all teens).
On more of a social media note: as a young adult I can speak to how difficult it can be to get on instagram and compare your life to someone else’s. I think having open and frequent conversations about how social media isn’t always real life is important for kids. My parents instilled in me a real sense of self, so this comparison hasn’t plagued me like I know it has some of my peers. Again, I think this is all about having those conversations with your kids. And reminding kids that now days, social media is how you represent yourself to the world so make sure that representation will make you proud!
One last comment- I have an account on every popular social media platform (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter) and the only one I’d say isn’t really safe is Snapchat. The nature of sending messages and pictures that go away after viewing is just asking for trouble in my opinion. To be really blunt- I know more than one friend who has sent a picture they wish they wouldn’t have, and I don’t have very crazy friends 🙂
Social media and smart phones are pretty inevitable these days- what I think really matters is that your social media reflects you but doesn’t define you!
Yes, this ☝️I’m really pleased to hear your experiences, because they mirror what I’ve been seeing and thinking.
I read so many discussions that approach this subject from a place of fear (and I know it comes from love and a deep desire to do right for our children). But fear-based parenting is just not the best for raising confident and independent children. Open dialogue, trust, positive modeling, and allowing for natural consequences seem more appropriate.
I have an 18-year old, 16-year old, 11-year old, and 7-year old. The oldest two had cell phones (basic) at 12, and then smart phones at 14. The 11-year old has totally benefited from the hand-me-down game of phones and has a smart phone now. While my kids are fine with me knowing their passwords, and will hand me their phones if I ask, I try not to do too much of that. When they were starting out, I did a little more. Since they all started on my Apple ID, I could always see their search history if I wanted to and even get their texts (that got old fast!).
My teens have told me lots of stories about the kids whose parents are strict about phones and social media and how they get around those restrictions anyway. Smartphones are a part of life now. They aren’t really luxury items anymore, they are tools that are integral to academic and social life. I feel strongly that children need to learn to use them and use them well, and long before they are adults.
We do have a WiFi limiter (Circle by Disney). I’m of mixed feelings—there are lots of customizable options, and it’s good for younger children. But there’s a pretty quick and easy workaround that kids quickly figure out—turn off WiFi and just use data. I prefer to not out my kids in a position of being sneaky with me, so I’ve discussed with my older kids the need for turning off their phones so they can sleep, and they are really pretty darn smart about online personal safety and avoiding trash.
Thanks for your comment, it helps to know what kids/young adults think!
As a parent of 5 (21,19,17,14,8) I so appreciate your comments. Thanks for sharing and I’ll keep talking to them (even though I feel like it falls on deaf ears sometimes)
Jen! Your feedback is invaluable. Thanks for taking the time to check in with your thoughts. You really have given me a lot to think about. Thank you!
When my son’s were young, and I was a single mom, money was incredibly scarce. What they truly looked forward to with great anticipation had nothing whatsoever to do with electronics. They LOVED game night when we’d break out some silly board game and laugh our selves senseless. They especially loved “Crack the Case” – a detective game where you had a crime scenario, and you had to solve it by asking yes/no questions. Or, movie night. The boys would make dinner -chili dog pizza with a cookie pizza for dessert – and we’d spread blankets on the living room floor and watch family movies together. My son’s have been adults for quite a while now, but my youngest (age 26) told me, with a tear in his eye, that he misses those times. Giving TIME seems to be the best, but the hardest thing to do anymore.
Love this so, so, so much, Barbi!
These are big topics !! I have 2 huge boxes of cookbooks and old cooking magazines that I bought and loved dearly before I discovered food blogs (thanks to yours) in May of 2012, shortly after my 7th child was born and I discovered I could plan all my meals from looking up recipes on my iPad while I nursed my baby . I haven’t hardly looked in a cookbook since .. but I also can’t bring myself to part with them. You do an amazing job of keeping me in recipes, no cookbook necessary❤️ As for phones and technology I could write a book, but I won’t .. my kids are 23,21,18,16,14,11 and almost 6. About 7 years ago my hubby and I owned some cell phone stores. Our older 3 kids worked for us and learned a lot about technology we gave them phones (not smart phones .. only flip phones ) when they turned 11, They didn’t get smart phones or social media accounts until they turned 16 we have figured those things go along with dating and driving pretty well .. also with the understanding that the phones belong to us! As for our younger teens .. right now our 16 year old still doesn’t have a smart phone .. just a flip phone he has a school issued lap top but no social media accounts . We have some plans for him to get a smart phone in the next few months .. a long with his drivers license .. we have some conditions for earning those things and some practice he needs to do then he will get a smart phone. Our 14 and 11 year old share a flip phone and we do our best to manage it all …knowing full well that there will be mistakes by us and them along the way and we are trying to help them learn to self manage their technology .. huge challenge in our world.. but worth the effort! Thanks for these great posts
I knew you’d have some great wisdom, Helen! I like the idea of the privilege of a phone being tied to earning it (we’re doing some similar things with Jackson as he works toward his Eagle Scout). Thanks for chiming in!
I’ll be honest, I’ve printed up like 30+ of your recipes over the years (and lost and reprinted, if we’re continuing the honesty here), and I keep them in my go-to recipe binder. It’s mostly full of recipes that I’ve found online and wanted to keep, since using a tablet in the kitchen for recipes has been kindof a flop for me. Especially once I had to go on dietary restrictions, finding recipes that I was allowed to eat was a big challenge, and I’ve pulled from all over. I would probably only use 1 recipe from any given cookbook.
SO with that said,
I think I would love a cookbook from you (eventually, like it’s not a priority here) that was a collection of your recipes here on the site. I mean, I’ve kindof made my own as it is, with how many I’ve printed, but I don’t need to see all-new recipes in a book from you. I would just want a hard copy I can hold in my sweaty hands and set on my counter to cook from!
I agree with this! Took the words right out of my mouth!
Thanks for your thoughts on the cookbook issue, Sahara!
Publish a cookbook already! I keep the cookbooks i love and use displayed and I want yours as an inspiration in my kitchen! You absolutely have tons to offer the cookbook world- your unique recipes you’ve already made! No need to test a bunch and redo a lot of work- just compile what you have
Ah, thanks, Stefanie!
I love buying cookbooks as travel souvenirs. You can usually find one written in English (or sort-of English, which can be fun in its own way), and it’s a neat way to remember interesting food you may have eaten on your travels (guinea pig, anyone?) In some cases, the new food experience becomes a regular in our household – German grated potato “pancakes” come to mind… yum!
That’s a fun idea, Debra!
My kids (6 and 8) recently got Kindle Fires. I love the parental controls on them…they have no idea there is web access because we’ve restricted it. I dread the day we have to decide what age phones are appropriate for them!
My “cookbook” is all your recipes that are my favorites that I printed out and put in a binder. At one point when I discovered I was making too many meh meals I decided to write down every single recipe my family likes to eat and then go on a hunt to find the “best of” in each category. I patiently wait for you to post new recipes, thus expanding my cookbook and happily feeding my family delicious home-cooked meals
Thanks so much, Nancy! I sure love seeing your comments pop up on recipes you’ve made!
I have read through the comments on electronic devices and in many respects my husband and I feel as others do… My oldest of 3 is in middle school and has a phone watch (no internet, no camera or ability to recover pics). We don’t allow electronic devices in rooms and are strict about what we watch (we don’t have TV even). But a few comments mentioned that they want their kids to have at least a little access so they can learn. I have always read that young brains are 1) more easily stimulated by images and 2) unable to make reasonable decisions like a mature adult can because the frontal cortex of the brain is slowly maturing throughout adolescents (see https://www.aacap.org/aacap/families_and_youth/facts_for_families/FFF-Guide/The-Teen-Brain-Behavior-Problem-Solving-and-Decision-Making-095.aspx). So my thoughts are that you keep them safe as long as I can. Yes, maybe I’m a helicopter mom, but how can I take risks??? Anyone have other thoughts on this aspect?
I agree with what you are saying, MJ (thanks for linking that article). I know that I need to teach my kids how to act responsibly with social media and technology, but for us, I haven’t felt like that means I want to introduce it to them at a young age. It’s baby steps for us (I know every family is different), and I’m like you, I want to keep their brains developing as normally for as long as I can and keep them as safe as I can for as long as I can. I don’t know what the ultimate balance is, but I am definitely on that side of the spectrum. Appreciate your thoughts!
You rock the sunglasses by the way!
I love looking at my grandma’s old church cookbooks but I get most of my recipes on line. Mels kitchen cafe is my go to.
We have 5 kids and they can’t have a phone until they have saved the money to pay for it and then we still have the right to take them away. But the social media exposure is a constant battle. Hope to shield the younger two as long as possible from it.
Ha…not sure about the sunglasses but thanks for that. And old church cookbooks are the best!
Mel, I would be the first one to buy your cookbook, but I totally understand your philosophy on that. I really love to check cookbooks out of the library. Sometimes I xerox a couple of recipes to try. But I do have a decent collection of them in my kitchen. Some are from the 80’s but are so classic and so good, I could never get rid of them (Silver Palate for one!).
On the phone use, I actually just got my first smart phone in May of 2016 for Mother’s Day! I never felt like I needed one since all I really used it for was texting and talking. I am not on social media at all. But when my older one went to college two years ago, I really wanted to get one. Now that I have my phone, I do like it, but I am not on it all day. My kids are 19 and 17 and they both got smart phones when they were in 8th grade. We never got them video games–most of our family entertainment was movies and games–and I felt that was the right age for both of them. When they had sports after school, I wanted them to have a phone since the pick up times were so varied. When they were in 7th grade, our middle school did a huge internet safety presentation with our local police force, school administrators, etc. They discussed social media, camera use, texting, etc.–all the good stuff. I think that really helped all the kids. Most of the kids in our town got smart phones in 6th grade so we were on the later side (we live in Connecticut). My kids tell me that a lot of friendships are made through the phones and that’s how the kids get included in things. Good or bad, that’s the way it really is. We have had rules on usage, etc. and we have their passwords and my husband and I both check their phones occasionally (my older one is in college in Philadelphia, so I can’t do that anymore now). They are both on social media, but my husband has an account for the sole purpose of monitoring theirs. It ‘s a tough topic but the phones are here to stay and we have to teach them to use them properly (and hope they do!).
I agree that some of my oldest cookbooks are the best! I love that you just recently got your first smart phone! That’s awesome. Sounds like you have been a very in tune and intentional parent about this issue – your kids are lucky, Teresa! 🙂
Hi Mel! I loooove your site and your recipes! Thank you for all the time you put into making my life so much easier and more delicious.
The cell phone/social media topic is a hot one and every parent needs to find what works for them. I have 5 children from 13 to 26. The rule in our home is that each child can get a phone when they turn 15. It is a “dumb” phone with no internet access. They do not get a smart phone until they have graduated from High School. I know my children are the minority not having a smart phone, but we feel like the potential downside is much larger than the upside while their brains are still developing. They have access to internet and instagram/facebook at home on our computers that are in an open area. (They do not have snapchat.) We also have their passwords to monitor their accounts as necessry. Their phones are kept on my desk charging each night (those that are still at home). Currently, my almost 16 year old doesn’t want a social media account and is very social and happy. I’m hoping this lasts as long as possible. 🙂 I believe that social media can be used for so much good, but I think it can easily harm one’s feeling of self-worth when they feel left out of “amazing” activities and popular trends.
Thanks for chiming in on the discussion, Meg! I’m grateful my teenager doesn’t want social media accounts either (yet)…I know the day is coming, but I want to prolong as much as possible.
Cookbooks are lovely, but I never, ever use them, and haven’t bought one in years. I do, however, print off your recipes and put them in my recipe binder often. 🙂
Thanks, Jana! 🙂
Your the cutest! Wear those sunglasses.
My goal is to have a “home” phone that the kids can take around. But the reality is Bella is 4 1/2 years older than the other two so it will mostly be hers but I refuse to tell her that. It will be a simple flip phone. I know I’ll be tempted to get something different but I decided now that it HAS TO BE A FLIP PHONE. It also won’t be until she is WAY older. My goal 15-16. I was 16 when I got my first phone and now every kid but her will have a phone so she will always be able to get a hold of me ♀️. Poor girl. It will be hard but I don’t love the idea of her having her own phone too soon. She uses mine for now to talk or text her cousins, aunts and grandmas which is cute. No friends because she hasn’t asked and I’m not in a hurry.
Right after I had Charlie I caught myself letting her play on the iPad too much so since then I’ve checked myself. Now they get “iPad days.” Every two days during Coopers nap or bella for an hour after school and her chores are done. Some days she doesn’t even have a chance to use it and i love how much we’ve cut back.
I still need to cut back a bit
Love your thoughts, Areli! You are a great momma (I know that firsthand), and I think you are smart to set these boundaries early.
I don’t have teenagers yet, so I can’t weigh in there, but I appreciate the struggle. Good luck! But hey, I wanted to say you look awesome in those sunglasses! Seriously, you could totally rock them. You should get matching ones with Cam!
Haha…thanks, Annie! I actually can’t wear them anymore because Cam has commandeered them completely. 🙂
I buy cookbooks from my favorite bloggers (I’d definitely buy yours if you ever published one!). But I also check out cookbooks from the library. That way I get to find new recipes without investing money in a cookbook I’m not sure about yet. If I find that I like a ton of the recipes, I might buy the book.
That’s a great way to see if a cookbook is worth it!
I too actually like that at this point you don’t have a cookbook. I bought your ebook one to help raise money a couple years back and loved it! But it is so nice to search through your blog and have all your recipes available to me. I love I can quickly pull up a recipe of the blog while I grocery shop to see what ingredients I need. I do love to look through cookbooks, and have a small collection, but mostly I use the internet ir my recipe binders.
Most of my kids are too young for a phone still (ages 11, 8, 5, and 2) but we are pretty close to getting a phone for the 11 year old. He already complains that he is the only one in 5th grade without a phone. When he starts Jr. high in a little over a year and is walking farther and staying after for different events, we will then possibly add a cheap flip phone for him. No smart phone at first. We want him to show his responsibility with that first.
I looked forever for new sunglasses recently! Months! I just couldn’t find any I thought looked good on my face. And stayed on my face good. My husband and I are serving as Ma and Pa on Trek this summer and I really wanted new sunglasses before then, and I finally just found some at Kohl’s. Good luck!
Oh, and I love these Friday thoughts posts : )
Ah, I’ll have to check Kohls, Chantel! Thanks for all your thoughts! Loved them. Good luck with your 11-year old and figuring out the phone thing!
My husband and I have custody of his 16 year old son. When my husband and his ex-wife were getting divorced, she got their son an iPhone (to be cool mom). Had that not happened, he wouldn’t have had one so early in life. We have removed Youtube from it and his access is restricted. We do not allow him to have social media. We tried letting him use Instagram 3 different times and each time, he broke a boundary we set. So we are done with all social media until he pays his own phone bill. I do worry that this will lead to him having too much freedom as a young adult and he may not respect the responsibility of having social media, but it seems like it’s so all or nothing. If he has it, he becomes disrespectful and irresponsible with it. Without it, we avoid that fight.
I should add – the phone (along with TV remote, school-issued laptop, and game controllers) live in our room overnight. In middle school, we found he had been setting his alarm to wake up when we were asleep so he could play freely on his laptop. He was tired, grouchy, moody…all the things and we attributed them to hormones. Nope. Youtube videos.
Summer, that’s a helpful tip! I have a friend whose 12 yo is doing the same thing – getting up in the middle of the night when they’re sleeping – and it’s been a nightmare (no pun intended).
It’s such a difficult balance, Summer – good luck!!
For quite a while I have felt like I should email you a gratitude email for your blog and haven’t. This post gave me the boost that I should at least post a comment (so I hope you’re able to read this and appreciate that my sense of gratitude goes well beyond my inadequate and not so eloquent words). I have been cooking from your website for about 6-7 years now, and I think 95% of my current recipes come from your blog! I’m not sure why my husband ever asks where I get my recipes because they are always from you. When I was a young mom I felt the urge to find yummier, more from scratch (not like the can of so and so soup casseroles I had mostly grown up with), but also reasonable (not with ingredients I had never heard of and didn’t even know where to find them and also not extravagant on the cost to make or the time involved). Your website was my answer! I followed another blog those 6-7 years ago, but today I hardly cook from them…I have to buy products that they produce to make a lot of their recipes, and I still don’t have the funds to invest in them (even though I’m sure they are delicious…) since my husband is in his final 15 months of training to be a full on doctor.. I am so grateful your website is true to those ideals that I looked for when I started my cooking adventure. Thank you thank you thank you! Meals are so important gathering times in my family, and everyone is happy with them when I cook from your website. (Sometimes I wonder if that’s the only thing I’m good at when my 9 year old daughter prays “And thank thee that my mom is such a good cook” hahaha.)
Hahaha, well, if it makes you feel better, Nicole – we’ve had to tell our kids when they go around one-by-one on my birthday to say why they love me (a family tradition for each birthday) that they CANNOT say “because mom is a good cook.” And sadly they sit there stumped thinking for several minutes before saying “um, I love mom because she plays games with me???” I’m pretty sure they think cooking is my only talent…and that may not be far from the truth. I appreciate your comment SO much. It made my day, it really did. Thank you!!
My kids are 19, 16, 14 and 10. The older 3 have phones. Oldest is away at school now, so obviously we hope and pray he learned something from us. My two at-home teens can use their phones b/t 9am and 9pm. I randomly check them throughout the day as they both have Instagram. We homeschool, and honestly I’d have a hard time letting one of those two take a phone to school (we go to a co-op on Tuesdays and she does not take it). Even if she could only access it at lunch, she can take a little leniency and RUN FAR with it. She and my oldest have had their phones taken away (the oldest for 6 months at 17 yrs old, though he did have itto drive to and from his farm job). So my thoughts summed-up:
1. By the time your kids are teens, you are going to know which ones will use phones wisely and which ones won’t. Trust me, it’s obvious. Set boundaries accordingly. Mine all have different rules, they all got over it quickly.
2. Unless they are paying for it, it’s still the parents’ phone. You, as parents, may do what you want with it, whenever you want.
3. Never let them take their phones to bed. My kids’ phones are always on the main floor of the house, even the 19-yr-old when he’s home.
Happy to give you any other thoughts if you have questions.
I don’t need cookbooks! I just search your site. ❤️
I totally agree with you, Jolie, that each kid is going to act differently (more or less responsibly) with a phone and it is important to take child-by-child. Love your thoughts!
I have three kids (19, 17, and 14). We gave the oldest a flip phone when she started being left places without us. For example, if she stayed for church choir or soccer practice, etc. and we had to leave. That was for safety reasons. And she was instructed to always call us if she felt uncomfortable, or if she needed us for any reason. I never wanted her to be in a situation where she couldn’t reach me. Then we kept the phone the rest of the time. She was probably 11 or 12 and she didn’t know anyone to talk to or text on the phone anyway. By high school, she upgraded to a smart phone. I feel like the others got phones earlier, but not by too much.
I think it is just so important to be totally in their business. We have had a couple of situations between the three of them when they weren’t doing something terrible, but maybe were in a conversation that wasn’t ok, or were spending too much time on one app. But then we just had long conversations and then restricted their phones. My kids know that at any time, I may walk up to them and pick up their phone and scroll thru everything. Texts, websites, everything. Fear is healthy! Lol!
But the rules about no phones in bedrooms is good. Phones being all put in one place at night, phones off after dinner, one day a week with no phones, very restricted social media apps, etc. Those are all good rules.
And we do have video games. BUT…. In the living room, on a Wii when they were younger, and I set a timer when they were young. Many years, they were only allowed to play on the weekends and I would only allow 30-45 minutes at a time, unless they were all playing something active together. And my husband plays with my son sometimes. They can only have what we buy so that is pretty easy to control and games are fun. So, they haven’t caused an issue at my house.
Thanks Mel for bringing up a great and relevant topic!!
Haha, fear is healthy! I like that…and just the idea that the expectation is the phone is actually YOURS and you can look through their phone at anytime. And the one day a week with no phones is a great idea!
Hi Mel!
I am still a big fan of old school paper cookbooks! I love just flipping through them at night looking for ideas. I also love that my kids can look through them (we are partial to pictures) as well as easily read the recipes while we are cooking together. That being said, your blog is my go-to place for recipes and I would hate to see it change or “suffer” in the process of making a cookbook.
Thanks, Jessica!
Cookbooks- I only buy a few a year and I’m basically doing it for the photography if I’m going to be honest. I’ll use the recipes too, but I love the pics! I get all my recipes from family, Pinterest and blogs otherwise.
Phone usage and social media with kids. I think it’s up to every parent to decide what works for their kid and family. Our son didn’t have his first cell phone until he was 15 and we limited. Our daughter got hers at 14. But I completely agree that kids watch us and how we use ours. My family knows we DO NOT have phones or tablets or anything when we eat st the table. That’s our time to talk and enjoy a meal together. But I probably reach for my phone too much. I am going to try to implement.m for myself a time in the evenings when my phone goes off, and use the time with family, reading or pursuing hobbies. Life is about balance and it seems that has to be a concentrated effort to make it happen. Cheers! Love your blog and recipes!
I’m implementing the same thing, Kristi – and casting my mind back on what I used to do before “life with a smart phone!”
It makes me so sad to see so many young kids with smart phones. Their brains are just not formed well enough for them to be capable of dealing with the impulsivity/comparison that comes along with social media, etc. I mean, I am an adult and I have a hard enough time with it. We are just hurting their brains so much by turning them over to technology, screens, and social media at such a young age and in the quantities that we do. I hear you on wanting them to be exposed in a safer environment and learning good boundaries before they are turned out into the world without parental guidance, but like you said, being an example is a huge part of that. My kids will not have a smart phone until they are 16 (flip phones before that only for communication/convenience with activities outside of the home). That still gives them two years to figure it out, but also allows their brains to do a lot of developing before we expose them to smart phones. I know it sounds harsh, but everything I read on the subject shows how toxic it is for tweens/young teens.
I don’t think it sounds harsh at all, Debby! I’m very much aligned with what you are saying – the articles and studies I’ve read about teen brain development is alarming in regards to smart phone/screen usage. Thanks for your thoughts!
I have six kids (14, 12, 10, 7, 3 and 8 months) Only our 14 year old has a smart phone and she got it just before entering High School. We were completely on the fence about getting one for her, but ultimately decided we needed to teach her the proper way of using a smart phone…. because they aren’t going away and tech is just such an integral part of their lives. The phone is not allowed in her bedroom or bathroom and parents have 100% access to it. She does have Instagram and Snapchat for now and I go back and forth about how I feel about her having those…. we have a lot of talks about how she uses them and why she likes them, safety precautions, etc. It’s a tricky world to navigate all this technology!! It doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but so many kids have unrestricted access and I worry a lot about what other kids are showing my kids on their devices. All of my 12 year old’s friends have phones and whenever they come over I make them put them away! Our main rule is that all tech has to be used in the main living areas. And we do a lot of checking in with tech, like asking pointed questions, “How many times did you see something inappropriate? How many of your friends posted something you felt was questionable? Etc. That way we can talk about those things as a family. Good luck Mel! It’s a tough one and like you said, each kid and each family is different.
I like that rule that all tech has to be used in the main living areas – especially when friends come over! Loved your thoughts; thanks, Alexis!
I love to read cookbooks and own a lot of them . I am forever taking them out from the library too to read for fun. But when I need to find a recipe for almost anything other than an old favorite, I go on line. And I am an old lady — not one of these seriously computer smart people. So if even I am going on line for recipes, does anyone use cookbooks anymore?
Now I do have my ancient messy binder of old favorite recipes that I use a lot –and most of the newer stuff is from you! So if you were to do a cookbook ever, it would be one I would be interested in for sure, But maybe wait until those kids are grown !! First things first…………….
Haha, true. First things first!
The phone thing is such a struggle. We made out kids wait until they were freshman to get a smartphone. My younger kids have a flip phone, but only use it if they are out somewhere and need to get in touch. They also have ipods, but our rules are they must be used in the living room. No bedrooms or bathrooms. My older kids have an Instagram, but they do know we monitor their activities, texts and social media. It’s really hard. I don’t want them to feel isolated from the world and we already got the “mean parent” award for making them wait until they were in high school to get a phone. I feel like in this day and age it’s not reasonable to deny them a phone all together. We just have to teach and teach and teach them the dangers of it all and why they need to be vigilant about what they watch/read. Then we just have to have faith they will make good decisions! Being a parent is tough! I am very grateful I have good kids and they’re willing to follow our rules.
Teaching is key, Marcie! I totally agree. Totally, totally. I don’t think it’s realistic to think that completely withholding will teach them – but it’s a constant balance finding the right boundaries (and so much depends on the particular kid). I appreciate your thoughts!
I look forward to hearing other parents’ thoughts and ideas on phone & online moderation and how they do it. My oldest is 9 and I can sense it coming! How do other parents handle YouTube? We have the YouTube app on our TV, which is in the center of our home, but she’s recently wants to start watching videos and just roam around on there. This terrifies me! I always want her to tell me what she’s going on there to watch and to use YouTube with purpose, not wander aimlessly. Any advice?!
YouTube also makes me very nervous. We have a lock feature on our smart TV for YouTube, Netflix, etc. so it can only be used with a password (that only the parents know!). Then they only get to watch when parent is around. Also make sure safe search setting is on. You can do this in your google settings I believe. I am also interested in hearing how people teach their kids to use YouTube wisely!
YouTube IS an interesting beast. My kids have only used it in the past to watch Dude Perfect (and other stunt/funny videos) while Brian and I are sitting there or to look up drawing tutorials on Art Hub. I think using parental controls and locks are a good idea. I agree that YouTube is kind of a black hole – not only with questionable content but also as a time waster, so I’d be like you (Danielle) and want a specific purpose for when they use or watch it. I don’t have any good solutions, but I can totally see where you are coming from!
A cookbook would be awesome! It wouldn’t even need new recipes- I’d totally buy a mel’s Kitchen cafe.com favorites cookbook- I mostly use internet recipes (I print the ones I like). I still love actual paper cookbooks (that goes for all books I guess), with pictures of course!
I haven’t entered the realm of phones and teens (though my kids already want them!) I’m with you though how you feel about phones for teens- especially social media.
I love a really good cookbook now and then, too…but I agree that pictures are IMPORTANT! And really sell a book to me.
I just have to say that I love that you don’t have a cookbook. So many food bloggers that I follow/have followed have come out with cookbooks at the expense of their blog, which is disappointing as a reader. I don’t have the time/space/money to buy all of their cookbooks and will continue to faithfully use the website. Thank you for sticking to your guns (and your delicious food)!
I appreciate your feedback on this (ahem, somewhat sensitive) cookbook issue, Kelsey! 🙂
Very interested hear what others have to say about the phone issue. Our kids don’t have them yet (15,12,7) and actually don’t have any personal devices, except for a basic kindle that my daughter bought in her own-no internet browser option. We’ve never jumped into the video game world either. We have one computer and one iPad that are for general family use. My husband and I both have iPhones. We are even still paying for a landline! That’s what the kids use if need be. BUT your thoughts about not being convinced that underexposure/use is the best route either are exactly what I’ve been grappling with lately. I’d hate to remove them from everything personal device oriented/therefore not teach them responsible use habits while they’re in our home and then foist them out into the world to figure it out in their own, it feels like a potential recipe for disaster. I should say that we don’t treat these items like “forbidden fruit” with a you shouldn’t have/use things they’re bad news—which personally I can see causing a crazy binge effect on down there Road when they finally have the “freedom” to have what they want, we just haven’t made having and using them a priority. Maybe that will breed the same undesirable outcome?! I dunno…so many things to weigh/ponder, I can’t handle it!
Yeah, I can see the “forbidden” mentality causing issues down the road. My 17-year old nephew has a friend whose parents have absolutely forbidden any screen time or ANY social media or phone usage. He has a track phone (just a flip phone, I think) hidden from his parents that he pays for on his own. He said they would disown him if they knew, but he still has it. Interesting to think of how to strike that balance.
Hi Mel!
It’s an interesting conundrum, the social media thing. I only have one ‘child’ and she’s almost 21, so I may be a bit out of date. Here’s what I did though. She had super cheap flip phones FOREVER – until she was like 16. This was partly because I didn’t want to spend a fortune on phones – she lost or destroyed like 8 of them. (as a side note – does anyone else’s kid drop their phone in their drink like 2x per YEAR???). I also wanted her to live life and become a person and know her own mind. All of those are hard to do with SM as your ‘life’. Either I was very lucky or it worked, because she’s the most independent, sure of her wants and needs, driven by her inner compass person I know – and she’s still 20 years old! Good luck with your navigation of these waters. It is very challenging these days, no doubt!
It’s so helpful hearing from parents who have kids that have grown up and made it through the teen years with their identity intact, Sara! Thank you for your insight. I can only hope and pray my kids have that same independence and strong moral compass!